There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing headphones on the train, but ask yourself why you’re doing it.
If you put on Headphones to keep people from talking to you, you’re making the choice to opt out of the human experience.?Make that choice every day on a 45 minute commute and after only a week 7.5 hours where you’ve opted out of chance encounter, conversation, possibly meeting a new friend or partner.
It might not be a bad idea to make the choice to NOT disconnect, actively choosing to engage in the world around us makes a huge difference in how we percieve it, and how it percieves us.
An experiment I’d suggest, if you’re the type to default to using your phone as an idle activity:
Next time you’re idle and get the urge to pull out your phone, instead look around you and find the most interesting thing you can see. Why is it interesting? Is there anything abnormal about it? Is it’s place significant? Take that and note it in your mind, have a conversation with a coworker about it later. Then take note, how did this pointless conversation make me feel?
Being present by choice, especially if done often, will create chances to engage with the World, and its inhabitants.
The other day someone told me life was boring. Put the phone down, make more than the 2 meter cone you can see from around your phone visible, and you’ll find the World has a lot of engagement to offer.
Sometimes I leave my house to to other things that besides “being social” I can only imagine horror when trying to get my errands done but all kinds of people everywhere I go keep trying to talk to me I mean I get, maybe a bit more eye contact and general nods to acknowledge people’s existence, but when I go out to be social vs when I don’t are separate things and I think that’s okay
Great if your culture encourages that I guess? I do that in East Asia and I’ll get weird stares from everyone. And they’ll ask you to mind your own business which, I agree. It’s basic respect here to not talk on the train.
It’s like 90% drunk homeless people that talk to you on trains and buses though. It gets tiring.
If I want chance encounters with sober people, I’ll go to the bar. I mean eventually the people there get drunk too, but it’s a nice “5 hours and 10 beers” drunk not “what month and/or year is it” drunk.
It’s not that the trains are so full of drunk homeless people, but that trains are affordable and also conductors aren’t going to physically throw out a person that could get violent. Planes you don’t really get on without a ticket. An entire class of people are filtered off the plane because of that.
And anyway, said group are a minority, but they’re the only ones who randomly talk to strangers most of the time. Everyone else minds their own business in my experience.
It is great fun! That’s why I essentially lived at a bar for over a year and nearly always went alone. So many chance encounters and some people I still talk to. Plus even if you’re away for a year or 2, the regulars will remember you and come talk to you. Downside was spending 500 euros a month or more on beer.
But public transport? Nobody wants to be there. You’ve got a goal and it’s not socialising, it’s getting somewhere. Maybe you’re anxious about going to the doctor, maybe you’re anticipating a shitty workday. It’s annoying to have to talk to other people when you’re trying to think about things.
In our culture this is seen as normal: you keep to yourself in public unless at some place where socialising is the norm. And small talk is really hard for us. Other than the weather, wtf do you talk about even. That’s why you don’t surprise attack people with small talk.
That’s kinda what I’m saying though. Those aren’t randos! They’re other people taking the same commute as you, every day. Make a connection with one and you might start to notice them more. Maybe you have a similar hobby or interest.
Give people a chance to enter your life and they often become more than randos on the train. Maybe you find a commute partner, someone to chat with or bitch to about Jane in Accounting.
I’m not gonna try to convince you, Clearly you saw my point and chose to reject it, that’s your choice. I’d urge you to give different thinking a chance though.
They’re random people I most likely have never seen before and probably won’t ever see again. I live in the city, not a small town where everyone knows each other. The idea of trying to connect with the poor sobs who ended up in the same train as me sounds both crazy and draining as fuck. Not the least bit because where I live, most people cherish that moment to themselves and you’d be fucking that up and bothering them.
If I was commuting with the same four people every day I’d be more likely to talk to them but not in a full ass train with random people.
They’re random people I most likely have never seen before and probably won’t ever see again.
And why do you think that? Have you paid attention to the people around you? If you and another person get to work at the same time, and live in the same area then odds are you will encounter them again. There might be a million people in your city. But how many of them have the exact same commute as you?
Also so what if you never see them again on the train? What if you end up really liking them, get their number, and stay in contact?
Because I have eyes and easily recognize faces. And a shitload of people have the same work schedule and commute in and out the same time. And it’s a big ass train.
Its a call to be present.
There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing headphones on the train, but ask yourself why you’re doing it.
If you put on Headphones to keep people from talking to you, you’re making the choice to opt out of the human experience.?Make that choice every day on a 45 minute commute and after only a week 7.5 hours where you’ve opted out of chance encounter, conversation, possibly meeting a new friend or partner. It might not be a bad idea to make the choice to NOT disconnect, actively choosing to engage in the world around us makes a huge difference in how we percieve it, and how it percieves us.
An experiment I’d suggest, if you’re the type to default to using your phone as an idle activity:
Next time you’re idle and get the urge to pull out your phone, instead look around you and find the most interesting thing you can see. Why is it interesting? Is there anything abnormal about it? Is it’s place significant? Take that and note it in your mind, have a conversation with a coworker about it later. Then take note, how did this pointless conversation make me feel?
Being present by choice, especially if done often, will create chances to engage with the World, and its inhabitants.
The other day someone told me life was boring. Put the phone down, make more than the 2 meter cone you can see from around your phone visible, and you’ll find the World has a lot of engagement to offer.
Sometimes I leave my house to to other things that besides “being social” I can only imagine horror when trying to get my errands done but all kinds of people everywhere I go keep trying to talk to me I mean I get, maybe a bit more eye contact and general nods to acknowledge people’s existence, but when I go out to be social vs when I don’t are separate things and I think that’s okay
Great if your culture encourages that I guess? I do that in East Asia and I’ll get weird stares from everyone. And they’ll ask you to mind your own business which, I agree. It’s basic respect here to not talk on the train.
I don’t any randos talking to me on the train. Commute is worse enough without people trying to “connect with me” during it.
Lots of research shows that random social interactions are far more enjoyable than people expect them to be.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-social-explorer/202502/if-socializing-is-so-good-for-us-why-do-we-avoid-it
It’s like 90% drunk homeless people that talk to you on trains and buses though. It gets tiring.
If I want chance encounters with sober people, I’ll go to the bar. I mean eventually the people there get drunk too, but it’s a nice “5 hours and 10 beers” drunk not “what month and/or year is it” drunk.
I’m the guy who takes a shot at a random conversation on the plane.
Doesn’t often turn into anything, but sometimes it’s a nice little glimpse into humanity.
Guess I don’t know what trains you’re on that are so full of the drunk and homeless, but that sounds like a problem in its own right.
Leave me alone.
On a plane? That’s much worse, you can’t just change seats or get out if you want to avoid the person. Oh god
It’s not that the trains are so full of drunk homeless people, but that trains are affordable and also conductors aren’t going to physically throw out a person that could get violent. Planes you don’t really get on without a ticket. An entire class of people are filtered off the plane because of that.
And anyway, said group are a minority, but they’re the only ones who randomly talk to strangers most of the time. Everyone else minds their own business in my experience.
I’m not going to question your experience too much, but it’s sad to me that this would be true.
A random conversation in a random interaction with somebody you could have easily not talked to can be great fun.
It is great fun! That’s why I essentially lived at a bar for over a year and nearly always went alone. So many chance encounters and some people I still talk to. Plus even if you’re away for a year or 2, the regulars will remember you and come talk to you. Downside was spending 500 euros a month or more on beer.
But public transport? Nobody wants to be there. You’ve got a goal and it’s not socialising, it’s getting somewhere. Maybe you’re anxious about going to the doctor, maybe you’re anticipating a shitty workday. It’s annoying to have to talk to other people when you’re trying to think about things.
In our culture this is seen as normal: you keep to yourself in public unless at some place where socialising is the norm. And small talk is really hard for us. Other than the weather, wtf do you talk about even. That’s why you don’t surprise attack people with small talk.
I expect it not to happen and hope it stays that way since. Please jusr don’t bother me while I’m on the train
Noted. If we ever see you we’ll ignore you.
Just post your name and photo so we know what you look like. Thanks.
I’m the person on public transit
But I don’t mind people talking to me so how do others differentiate us?
Headphones is a good start…
It’s easy. One is reading a book or otherwise minding their own business and the other is lunatic trying to make eye contact with everyone
Or getting hit on. I’m just trying to go home, I have no desire to chat with you. I’m busy go away.
That’s kinda what I’m saying though. Those aren’t randos! They’re other people taking the same commute as you, every day. Make a connection with one and you might start to notice them more. Maybe you have a similar hobby or interest.
Give people a chance to enter your life and they often become more than randos on the train. Maybe you find a commute partner, someone to chat with or bitch to about Jane in Accounting.
I’m not gonna try to convince you, Clearly you saw my point and chose to reject it, that’s your choice. I’d urge you to give different thinking a chance though.
They’re random people I most likely have never seen before and probably won’t ever see again. I live in the city, not a small town where everyone knows each other. The idea of trying to connect with the poor sobs who ended up in the same train as me sounds both crazy and draining as fuck. Not the least bit because where I live, most people cherish that moment to themselves and you’d be fucking that up and bothering them.
If I was commuting with the same four people every day I’d be more likely to talk to them but not in a full ass train with random people.
And why do you think that? Have you paid attention to the people around you? If you and another person get to work at the same time, and live in the same area then odds are you will encounter them again. There might be a million people in your city. But how many of them have the exact same commute as you?
Also so what if you never see them again on the train? What if you end up really liking them, get their number, and stay in contact?
Because I have eyes and easily recognize faces. And a shitload of people have the same work schedule and commute in and out the same time. And it’s a big ass train.